Tuesday, April 24, 2007

A Short (Love) Story

I have verbal diarrhea. I have a need to write, to unburden myself like nothing I have known before. Maybe it is the intense pain that starts somewhere in my heart and spreads its vicious roots through my entire body, gripping my head and my brains in a death-like vice. I can't seem to think anymore-my mind is flooded with images, each one fighting to gain supremacy over the other like a school of gasping fish struggling for air. Memories. Memories of emails exchanged and a walk on a virtual beach, of surreptitious glances over a dinner table, of that first lunch fraught with so much expectation and nervousness, of the long walk by a frozen reservoir as the weak rays of the sun stretched to touch our hearts-our hearts that were stirred and warmed by something more than the sunlight, of the first kiss-shy and fumbling, of the naughtiness as we raced through dark corridors when the world was asleep, of a walk on a real beach..where we bathed in the solitude, ensconced in our world, in the comfort of each other.
The touch of cold water droplets awakens me out of my reverie-for that is what it has been. A game, an amusement for you where you could juggle with my emotions like a clown in a circus. I look at the unblinking computer screen in impotent anger and the email stares back at me. The email written with such passion, such intensity was meant for another but was delivered to me by some quirk of technology..or shall I say fate? I cannot shake off the feeling of betrayal..clinging to me like the dampness of a humid day. The tears pour down my face, a hot, unstoppable torrent. I can see through the water..and I see you, running towards me, arms outstretched, smiling. I run towards you too..screaming, raining down heavy blows on you blindly, my hate and my agony churning together as an unholy mess-loathsome, fearful and all consuming.
Then there is silence. The waters part and I can see clearly for the first time. My mind breaks free from its shackles like an unfettered spirit. You still have the girl you cheated on me with. As for me, I have a migraine and a shattered computer.

My advice to you: Don't fall in love with people who use their words lightly-you will pay for it later with much more than that.